Comfort
by Sapadu
Summary: Ben misses his mother, but a friend misses Ben. More from the alternative timeline of Prejudice.
1. Chapter 1

Comfort

By Sapadu

A/N: This is written in light of the Knight of Three Blades trilogy by Tenkai Nankobo 101. Go read them – it takes a little reading to get into the groove of his style, but the plot ideas are REALLY good. And he actually gets to the point of the plot instead of just eternally building up the tension.

_I miss thee, my Mother! Thy image is still / The deepest impressed on my heart. _

~Eliza Cook

It had been a year since his mom was killed.

A full year. Ben was fourteen now. He was supposed to be grown up now. He wasn't supposed to be a big baby. He wasn't supposed to break down and cry whenever something reminded him of his mom or he remembered something that made him miss her so much. He was supposed to be a man now. Hell, he'd been more grown up during the funeral and while they were hunting down Jacen to stop him. Why was he starting to mope now of all times?

Something warm and metallic tapped onto the top of his head.

"Hi, Ken." Ben muttered, not turning to look, not even reaching up to take the can of whatever drink it was.

"It's been a while, huh?" Ben kept staring at his toes – he didn't want to hear the lecture Ken was undoubtably going to give him about loss and grief, or the anecdotes about his own experiences, or any of the other cliché comfort words that wouldn't help, anyway.

He'd heard it before. He was sick of it.

"Yeah." He felt the can lift from his head and in a second, it dropped into his hands. Caf with blue milk. Typical.

"Didn't realize I'd missed so much." Ken continued – Ben felt Ken sit down on the steps next to him. He looked the opposite direction.

"I dunno."

Click. Pop. Slurp.

"What's wrong?"

Ben felt his ears turn red. He'd heard that so many times in the last year from Masters Solusar and Tionne and Durron and Hamner and all of them that he'd just wanted to punch someone. If they'd walked up on a collision accident, with the drivers holding up signs reading 'I'm bleeding, call a medic' and they would have asked 'What happened?'

"Nothing." Ben muttered.

Ken continued slurping on his drink. It seemed unnecessarily loud.

"I heard about your mother." He finally said.

"Shut up." Ben snarled. Ken didn't shut up.

"Luke told me. He said it was a year ago."

"SHUT UP!" Ben chucked his unopened drink at Ken, not even attempting to aim. As a result, it flew ten meters straight in front of them before it hit the ground and exploded. Ken remained passive and unconcerned, still slurping loudly.

"What'dyou want? You just here to tell me everything's okay? That I'll be fine, I just need to get over it? You gonna coddle me and tell me it's alright to be upset and to think about what my mom would have wanted and act like everything'll work itself out if I just trust the Force or some garbage?" Ben shouted, getting up and finally turning to stare at Ken. He'd changed since Ben had seen him last – there were broad, silvery gray stripes in his hair, heavy creases on his face, even unshaved stubble on his chin and upper lip.

"Why would I say that? I know it's all crap, anyway." Ken replied, not even surprised or angry at being shouted at.

"You gonna tell me my mom's one with the Force now, that she'd've wanted me to live a long, happy life? What would you know about it? Like YOU know anything about a long, happy life – you've been miserable for as long as I've known you!" Ben shouted, feeling his ears and neck grow hot.

"I wasn't going to say that." Ken shook his head.

"Or what about that I'll see her again, someday? Did it ever occur to you that I can't stop seeing her just because everything reminds me of her? How about the fact that everytime I see any kind of mom with her kids, I can't help but wish it was her and me? Even if it doesn't look like her, even if I don't even know them? What about that whole thing that I might NOT see her again – that I might NOT be one with the Force or whatever when I die?"

"Not that, either." Ken chugged whatever was left in the can then started to crunch the aluminum.

"You're not gonna say that you know what I'm going through, even though you don't have a CLUE what it's like for me? When NOBODY does? Not even DAD knows what I'm going through – he's never lost his mom! And even if you did, that was YOUR mom, not MY mom! She was DIFFERENT!"

"I wasn't planning on saying anything like that, but you've given me an idea if I want to hear more screaming." And there went the can.

Ben clenched his fist, his arms shaking with the urge to punch his friend.

"Then, what do you WANT?"

Ken stretched a little, then fixed Ben with a level stare.

"I just wanted to know how you were holding up."

Ben stared back, the heat on his neck doubling, then tripling.

"I hate you." He hissed, not even caring that he was starting to cry. Ken nodded, wearing that same expression that he always wore when he really wanted to be shaking his head.

"Of course you do."

Ben just glared, ignoring the tears going down his cheeks.

A/N: Um, also for a piece I found on the Dark Lord's Council board called 'Mom, I need you'. It made me cry, so very, very much.


	2. Chapter 2

Consolation

By Sapadu

"_Love and fear. Everything the father of a family says must inspire one or the other."_

Joseph Joubert

Ben had been on missions before, but none like this. The hall he found himself in was cold, black, and metallic. It's ceiling was high and lightless, as though it came to no end. Even the structure of the room was obscured in shadow, only the barest reflections of blue showing panels of railings, floors, and a tall series of steps.

"I knew you would come, sooner or later." The voice that came out of the darkness was crackled, somehow high and low at the same time, and it made Ben shiver, like the scrape of a crag of meteorite dragging on a ship's hull. The outline of a square at the top of the steps started to move, as though rotating, until it changed and the slightest bit of light fell on the steps. It was a chair – no, more than that, it was a throne. Ben could see a horrible face peering out from the blackness of the chair, as though it were surrounded and wrapped up in a black shroud.

"I have not come. I was brought." Ben spun around. Standing behind him, completely illuminated by orange and red emergency lights, was Ken. But it was different than Ben had ever seen him – he looked more like a Jedi than Ben had ever thought possible, completely in black with a lightsaber hanging from his belt. In away, it almost reminded Ben of his own father.

"Yes, I know that. As I have foreseen, you come to demand something of me." The figure on the throne stood, the folds of black cloth that looked so much like a burial gown unfolding into a long, trailing robe. The hood of the robe slid back enough that Ben could see it's face; instead of being human, it was like that of a corpse – half swollen and bloated with ooze and pus, the rest shriveled and dried out, as though decaying. Ben looked back and forth between the creature and Ken as they continued to speak, not even seeing him.

"Release him." Ken said, glaring balefully at the creature that stood on the platform over the steps, "Release my father. He has done nothing to deserve this kind of suffering."

The creature cackled and Ben finally recognized the visage from history holos.

"There is much you have to learn, my young apprentice." Palpatine hissed, exposing his blackened, rotting gums as he sneered.

"He's not yours to toy with, no more than I am yours to manipulate." Ken was starting to shout. It didn't seem to have the intended effect, as Palpatine was snickering with every word.

"If you wish to see that thing released..." He pronounced every syllable as though he was spitting venom. Ben saw one of his wrinkled, miserable old hands slide back into the robes. In a panic, he turned to Ken, ready to shout, "Then you must show me what you are capable of."

The hand emerged with a litten red lightsaber, swerving in an arc as Palpatine leapt off the platform and landed neatly before Ken. But Ken was ready, too, blocking the blow with an electric blue blade. Ben felt molded to the floor, unable to do anything but watch, horrified, as the two clashed. Palpatine drove Ken back with all the fury of a Sith Lord, swiping and slicing and hacking away as though trying to break Ken's lightsaber in half. Ken blocked each blow with the accuracy of a fully trained Jedi, but Ben could see his face – his friend was frightened beyond anything a Jedi could cope with. Palpatine raised his blade to aim a blow over Ken's head, but Ben saw Ken raise a hand and Force-push Palpatine backwards. The blast made the Emperor stagger, almost topple over, but what Ben watched was Ken – he didn't pursue, if anything, he was slowly inching backwards.

Palpatine started laughing. His voice was so filled with glee that it made Ben shudder.

"Your fear gives you your strength. I can feel it rising in you."

Ken was still shrinking away, holding his lightsaber up like a shield instead of a blade. Slowly, he shook his head. His face had gone a ghastly white.

"I'm not afraid." Ben could barely hear his voice, echo though the chamber did, "I'm not afraid of you."

Palpatine continued to snicker, advancing back as Ken continued to retreat.

"Oh no... I do believe you are." He murmured, still smiling to show those gruesome teeth of his.

Ken shook his head once again.

"If you will not admit to it..." Palpatine whispered, raising his blade, "Then defend yourself."

Ken barely managed to parry as the blade swung towards his face. Palpatine struck again and again, Ken still swerving to avoid when he could and running when he couldn't until he was pressed back against a wall. All Ben could do was watch.

"I can sense your anger. Your hatred." Palpatine was still speaking softly, "That burning desire of yours to cut me down."

Ken was still shaking his head, but it was only slight.

"No." Even Ben could see it was a lie.

"Use it. Let it consume you, let it grow."

"No."

"You cannot escape it – it is your destiny."

"No."

Palpatine disengaged their blades, swinging back as though to chop Ken's head off. Ken ducked and shielded himself from the spray of sparks.

"Strike me down. Fulfill what you were always meant to do..." Palpatine wasn't even pressing the attack now – his arms were spread wide, his sleeves hanging down like gruesome, black wings, "And become ME."

Ben only saw a glimpse of Ken's face between the wall and Palpatine's form – it was pained and drawn tight with terror and agony, eyes wide like a petrified mask and jaw slack like the hinge was broken.

"NO!"

His cry rang loudly through the silence as Ken raised his blade and plunged it through Palpatine's chest. Ben saw the end emerge through the blackness of Palpatine's cloak, then disappear as the body fell and Ken withdrew. Instead of standing, though, he remained crouched, holding his saber in his hands with his head bent.

Ben saw hissing spots of steam rise as Ken's tears fell on his blade. With each shake of his body, Ken's head lifted until he was looking up to the ceiling, tears streaming down his face and loud, anguished sobs reverberating from his throat.

And, with every drop that streamed from his eyes, Ben saw a chunk of flesh melt from Ken's face, warping it and twisting until all that was left was a wrinkled, decaying face exactly like Palpatine's.

* * *

Ben's eyes opened, his ears still ringing with Ken's screams from his dream.

The sky outside his window was still the dark blue of the middle of the night, but illuminated with the lights of the city that never slept. But Ben couldn't sleep. Not now. Sluggish from lack of rest, he sat up and picked up a jacket that he'd thrown on the floor when changing for bed. Without thinking, he left his room, pacing the hall.

His first thought was to go and see his father. It was quickly scrapped when Ben peeked through the open door to see his father still sound asleep, curled tightly around the pillow his mother had slept on. With a combination of melancholy and resignation, Ben changed his course for the front steps of the Temple.

Just as he thought – and silently dreaded – Ken was there. He was staring up at the lights of Coruscant's buildings and air traffic that had to suffice for stargazing on this light polluted planet. Ben could see his face illuminated just enough to see his eyes were rimmed with red.

"Hi." Ken turned.

"Hey." Well, that was painless. Now what was Ben supposed to say?

"I couldn't sleep." Ken smiled, just a little.

"You too, huh?" And then he patted the stone step right next to him. Ben sheepishly sat down, also staring up at the lights of Coruscant, dreading the conversation that he knew they had to have, but he really didn't want to have.

"Kinda makes you wonder what significance sentient life has in the galaxy." Ken mumbled, "...You know, the old question 'Why does life exist, why are we here', that sort of thing."

"Mm." Ben agreed. There was another silence. Then, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I didn't mean it when I said I hated you."

Ben still wasn't looking at Ken, but felt his huge hand on his head, ruffling his hair.

"I know. You kids never do."

"Don't call me 'kid'." Ben pushed Ken's hand off, but didn't have any real bite to his voice.

There was more silence.

"Ken?"

"Mm?"

"Did you love your father?" Ben looked over to his friend. Ken bowed his head, pulling out that stupid necklace he always wore and fiddling with the crystal on the end.

"...I don't know." He whispered, "...I knew who he was... and I met him once or twice... but he wasn't really a father. He was a man... and a prisoner... and sick. But Luke and Han and Chewie and the droids all really filled the role of father for me when I was your age."

Ben didn't have much to say to that. He looked back down at his shoes.

"Why'd you leave?" He finally asked. Ken was still toying with that thing.

"...Because." He muttered. Ben stared at him, "...You never do know what your destiny really is."

Ben sighed a little.

"...Missed you." He finally added. Ken smiled again.

"I know."

A/N: This is all I can really think up for this story – no real plot or anything seems to be brewing. So... yeah. Don't expect this to become a multi-chapter runner like CMC or Prince or Princess.


End file.
